It is tough to deal with money when you are so emotionally involved with your spouse. However, statistics show, the better you handle your emotions, the better you will be able to manage your money during divorce.

If you find yourself attempting to get even, get it over with or get back together with your spouse, be on guard. These three “gets” will affect your ability to think clearly and act in your own best interest. The financial agreements you make during divorce, will affect you permanently. Moreover, although you are entitled to pursue your legal rights, the judicial system is no place to get satisfaction for your emotional demands.

Research shows that divorce is second only to the death of a spouse in terms of the amount of stress produced. You have to safeguard your sanity and emotional well-being. As you move through your divorce, it will be easy to become overwhelmed with the financial details. Nonetheless, you must make sure that the financial choices you make today will work for you tomorrow. There is an excellent article, entitled, “Avoiding Common Pitfalls.” Click on the link to read about understanding your financial and emotional limits.

Many couples choose to live under the same roof while going through a divorce. Other couples choose to live separately. Many couples are under the presumption that because they are going through a divorce, one party must move out. This is not necessarily true. Under certain circumstances, one party can be ordered to move out of the family dwelling. The court may order one party to move out regardless of which party holds legal or equitable title or is the lessee. Before an order may be made, the Court must find that the party who will remain in the home has a right to possession of the premises and that the party who is excluded has assaulted or threatened to assault the other party or a minor child of the parties.

If the Court does not find credible evidence presented, then the parties can both reside in the family residence pending dissolution of the marriage. Although it may be difficult, many couples have and are living through it. It may help to read Steven Sack’s book entitled, “What’s Love Got to Do with It: Legal Guide to Marriage, Divorce, Custody and Living Together.”

#1: I WILL QUIT MY JOB BEFORE I PAY ALIMONY/SPOUSAL SUPPORT OR CHILD SUPPORT.  The initial shock or reaction to having to pay child or spousal support can be quite alarming.  Many payors have heard horror stories about having to pay extraordinary amounts of support.  However, there is a guideline for child support calculations and factors the Court considers in awarding spousal support.  Most obligors pay court ordered support given the consequences for not paying.  Moreover, if a payor quits his job in an attempt to avoid support obligations, the Court may still hold the payor accountable for their support obligations.

#2: I WILL TELL THE COURT THAT YOU ARE AN UNFIT PARENT AND YOU WILL NEVER SEE THE CHILDREN AGAIN.  Unfortunately, children are oftentimes brought into the middle of their parents’ divorce.  Attorneys and Courts are educated about children being used to retaliate, frustrate, or hurt the other parent.  Consequently, unless credible evidence is presented concerning a parent’s mistreatment or abuse of a child, the law favors both parents having frequent and continuing contact with the children.

#3: YOU CAN NOT MAKE IT WITHOUT ME, YOU NEED ME.  Divorce can be a frightful reality no matter how long the parties have been married.  Oftentimes, one spouse is financially dependent and relies on his or her partner to maintain the majority of the household expenses.  Nonetheless, the law takes into account the disparity of income and will allocate the community income equally.  The law also gives the supported spouse the time necessary , where applicable, to obtain an education and/or training, in an effort to become self supporting.

#4: THIS HOUSE BELONGS TO ME.  I HAVE BEEN THE ONE TO WORK AND PAY FOR IT.  I WILL MAKE YOU LEAVE AND YOU WILL BE HOMELESS.  Absent a pre-marital or post-marital agreement, property acquired during the marriage is considered community property.  This is true, even if, one spouse may have been employed while the other spouse maintained the home and/or took care of the children.  In certain circumstances, even if the home was purchased prior to marriage, the community may have acquired an interest.

#5: NO ONE WILL EVER WANT YOU AFTER WE ARE DIVORCED.  Divorce is a very emotional process to get through.  Many hateful and angry words may be expressed by one or both spouses/partners.  Now is the time to lean on your supportive friends and family.  As the old adage goes, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”  Stay rooted and grounded, there is life after Divorce!